Reckless Immersion

There is something to be said for just jumping in. To walk along the beach is wonderful; to feel the waves lap the shore line and explore the salty pools left reluctantly behind by passing tides. But perhaps for me the greatest sensation has always been the plunge after a long summer day that occurs when, without prior thought or contemplation, one simply runs headlong into the water and completely submerges in its chilling depths. The swim in and of itself is renewing, but for me, it is the run that stimulates. The complete abandon that compels me to action…

As I write this I am sitting on a plane heading back to Colorado Springs after almost 3 weeks traveling and speaking all over Texas. My first Axis trip is almost complete and what an experience it has been! For those of you who don’t know, I was not even supposed to be on this trip. In fact this entire time I was supposed to be back in the Springs; training and researching presentation material. But the day before we left, I found out I would be on this trip instead. What better way to learn how to swim than simply diving in? I confess there was that moment where I was convinced that there had to be a better alternative. Perhaps it would be the better option to request more time so as to study more about swimming, or to practice swimming techniques in my room, or even to beg God to give me a greater ability to swim than I knew I already possessed. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to swim…I just wasn’t sure I was ready to see myself drown.

Yet in God’s amazing grace, He has not called me out of the boat simply to watch me struggle. Rather, He beckons me so as to share in His amazing ability to save. I hold an insignificant gift and yet somehow He does not reject it. Rather, He makes it beautiful. My first time speaking was before an audience of almost 300 students. I wish I could say that it was flawless; that my passion for what I was doing somehow covered a multitude of sins. But I must decrease so that He may increase. There was frustration in my imperfection, which I concluded had to be a disappointment to my Maker as well. And yet…somehow…it wasn’t a failure. The odd reality is is that this whole thing is not about me. Strangely enough it never was. Or ever will be. My heart cries out with Mary as she proclaims, “My soul glorifies in the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for He has been mindful of the humble state of His servant.” I sit here amazed and incredibly humbled, that God would allow me this opportunity to share in what He has always been at work doing; drawing people unto Himself.

We got to speak at 3 schools in the Houston area and one in San Antonio altogether reaching over 1,000 students. To speak in front of students is one thing. I understand it is a privilege that I do not deserve. But then there are those blessed opportunities to talk with them outside of the sessions; to listen to their hopes and dreams, and often times their failures and fears. To then be able to speak God’s truth and grace into their lives? Lord, I am amazed by You! One student told me after lunch one day that she always wanted a big sister, and after only the few times of interacting with her, she felt like for the first time she had one.

I’m ready to rest. And there is time for that before I leave again. But I am learning that the plunge is addicting. There is a new adrenaline pumping through me that is born out of an abandonment to do what God has called me to! Yet may I not be as the disciples, who after the first time they were able to cast out demons went running to Jesus exclaiming with joy, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in Your name!” They were stoked out of their minds at this new ability they found they possessed. And yet here their Savior simply replies, “…do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you. Rather, rejoice that your names are written in Heaven.” May my boast never be in what little I am able to do in Jesus’ name. But rather may the joy of my life be grounded in the blessed assurance that my life is hid with Christ on high.

Grateful for Goodbye

Everyone hates goodbyes. We avoid them if at all possible and drag them out when they become inescapable. It acknowledges an end and the start of something different…and most times we just don’t believe that the new will be anywhere as good as the old. A goodbye sits like a bad taste in your mouth that is only relieved once something sweet has replaced it. Yet this past week I found that I have always underestimated the power of a goodbye. 

My Great Gramma passed away last Wednesday and being separated by some 2,241 miles, the chances of flying home for the funeral were slim. I was heartbroken over the reality of distance and lack of money to be able to do something and be somewhere that I knew I needed to do and to be. Though discouraged, I knew that by the grace and power of God I would be able to mourn the loss and rejoice in her life, though separate from the rest of my family...however difficult I anticipated it to be, I was prepared to make this journey alone, when God gave the most unexpected gift in the form of a business envelope bursting with enough cash to fly me home. The students and staff here at Semester have given me more than I can ever repay for it enabled me to do what I never thought I’d be able to: to say goodbye.

To be able to look at my beautiful Gramma, to hold her hand one last time, to softly offer a whispered reminder of my unending love; this was a gift I could not have anticipated receiving. And just perhaps, it was the sacrifice the gift required that offers a depth that continues to resound within my soul. Great gifts often demand great costs. Though not always in a monetary sense, an offering is defined by its sacrifice. The cross reminds me of such a gift. How the infinite Creator could offer His only begotten Son as atonement; a love offering in order to redeem us unto Himself. The depth of sacrifice; how unsearchable? Could He not have thought of an easier way? Something that would require less of a cost to Himself? The Apostle Paul reminds us of why in verses19 and 20 of chapter 1 where he writes; "For God was pleased to have all His fullness dwell in him, [referring to Jesus], and through him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross."God was pleased. The sacrifice, though great, was worth the cost. Sacrifice adds depth to love.

Saying goodbye is hard. More often than not, it reminds us of the finiteness of this life. I often hate goodbyes. But when there is no chance at goodbye, you realize how necessary they are. They allow for closure. They bring a certain amount of peace. Therefore I write that I am thankful, so thankful, for the gift of being able to say goodbye. It came at the cost of great sacrifice; one that I don't take lightly. Even amidst the pain I rejoice for I have been reminded of so great a love that would count the cost and consider me worth it. The time for goodbyes is limited. The opportunities for sacrifice are confined. Let us therefore love without hindrance, and recognize the beauty in simple goodbyes. 

And for the record...truly the best is yet to come.

Set On Pilgrimage

Take the world, but give me Jesus,

Sweetest comfort of my soul;

With my Savior watching o’er me,

I can sing though billows roll.

Oh, the height and depth of mercy!

Oh, the length and breadth of love!

Oh, the fullness of redemption,

Pledge of endless life above!

Take the world, but give me Jesus,

Let me view His constant smile;

Then throughout my pilgrim journey

Light will cheer me all the while

~Fanny J. Crosby

I’m not a writer. I don’t profess to be. Most people that have blogs are. But I am not. I am a pilgrim. This is not my home.  

This blog is not because I always have something earth-shattering to share or many impressive revelations to impart. Rather, it now exists because of pilgrimage. My Savior has seen fit to lead and so I follow. And even in the personal journey He has called me to, it is not one that is private. I cannot seek the City with foundations, whose architect and builder is God without the power of Christ and separated from those who He has given me. We have been called to live this life together. I want to share those things which He is doing in me, around me, and through me. Not because they are extraordinary in and of themselves, but because they are the result of an extraordinary God.

And so here I stand. At yet another crossroad in the path I have been walking down the past 23 years. As of January, I'll start working with a ministry called Axis. I am overwhelmed at this new opportunity and slightly apprehensive; as I always am when I'm not sure that God didn't mix me up with someone else. This new adventure will take me all over the country and to thousands of students who as of yet are simply demographics on a page but will soon be names, faces, and stories.

Please join me. For while this journey is personal, it is not private. Walk with me. Encourage and challenge me. Hear the stories of a faithful God who calls, and those He calls He equips, and those He equips He will sustain. His grace truly is sufficient. Draw on that grace with me, as we live this life together and answer His call.