Reckless Immersion

There is something to be said for just jumping in. To walk along the beach is wonderful; to feel the waves lap the shore line and explore the salty pools left reluctantly behind by passing tides. But perhaps for me the greatest sensation has always been the plunge after a long summer day that occurs when, without prior thought or contemplation, one simply runs headlong into the water and completely submerges in its chilling depths. The swim in and of itself is renewing, but for me, it is the run that stimulates. The complete abandon that compels me to action…

As I write this I am sitting on a plane heading back to Colorado Springs after almost 3 weeks traveling and speaking all over Texas. My first Axis trip is almost complete and what an experience it has been! For those of you who don’t know, I was not even supposed to be on this trip. In fact this entire time I was supposed to be back in the Springs; training and researching presentation material. But the day before we left, I found out I would be on this trip instead. What better way to learn how to swim than simply diving in? I confess there was that moment where I was convinced that there had to be a better alternative. Perhaps it would be the better option to request more time so as to study more about swimming, or to practice swimming techniques in my room, or even to beg God to give me a greater ability to swim than I knew I already possessed. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to swim…I just wasn’t sure I was ready to see myself drown.

Yet in God’s amazing grace, He has not called me out of the boat simply to watch me struggle. Rather, He beckons me so as to share in His amazing ability to save. I hold an insignificant gift and yet somehow He does not reject it. Rather, He makes it beautiful. My first time speaking was before an audience of almost 300 students. I wish I could say that it was flawless; that my passion for what I was doing somehow covered a multitude of sins. But I must decrease so that He may increase. There was frustration in my imperfection, which I concluded had to be a disappointment to my Maker as well. And yet…somehow…it wasn’t a failure. The odd reality is is that this whole thing is not about me. Strangely enough it never was. Or ever will be. My heart cries out with Mary as she proclaims, “My soul glorifies in the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for He has been mindful of the humble state of His servant.” I sit here amazed and incredibly humbled, that God would allow me this opportunity to share in what He has always been at work doing; drawing people unto Himself.

We got to speak at 3 schools in the Houston area and one in San Antonio altogether reaching over 1,000 students. To speak in front of students is one thing. I understand it is a privilege that I do not deserve. But then there are those blessed opportunities to talk with them outside of the sessions; to listen to their hopes and dreams, and often times their failures and fears. To then be able to speak God’s truth and grace into their lives? Lord, I am amazed by You! One student told me after lunch one day that she always wanted a big sister, and after only the few times of interacting with her, she felt like for the first time she had one.

I’m ready to rest. And there is time for that before I leave again. But I am learning that the plunge is addicting. There is a new adrenaline pumping through me that is born out of an abandonment to do what God has called me to! Yet may I not be as the disciples, who after the first time they were able to cast out demons went running to Jesus exclaiming with joy, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in Your name!” They were stoked out of their minds at this new ability they found they possessed. And yet here their Savior simply replies, “…do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you. Rather, rejoice that your names are written in Heaven.” May my boast never be in what little I am able to do in Jesus’ name. But rather may the joy of my life be grounded in the blessed assurance that my life is hid with Christ on high.