There is something to be said for just jumping in. To walk
along the beach is wonderful; to feel the waves lap the shore line and explore
the salty pools left reluctantly behind by passing tides. But perhaps for me the
greatest sensation has always been the plunge after a long summer day that
occurs when, without prior thought or contemplation, one simply runs headlong
into the water and completely submerges in its chilling depths. The swim in and
of itself is renewing, but for me, it is the run that stimulates. The complete
abandon that compels me to action…
As I write this I am sitting on a plane heading back to
Colorado Springs after almost 3 weeks traveling and speaking all over Texas. My
first Axis trip is almost complete and what an experience it has been! For
those of you who don’t know, I was not even supposed to be on this trip. In
fact this entire time I was supposed to be back in the Springs; training and
researching presentation material. But the day before we left, I found out I
would be on this trip instead. What better way to learn how to swim than simply
diving in? I confess there was that moment where I was convinced that there had
to be a better alternative. Perhaps it would be the better option to request
more time so as to study more about swimming, or to practice swimming
techniques in my room, or even to beg God to give me a greater ability to swim
than I knew I already possessed. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to swim…I just
wasn’t sure I was ready to see myself drown.
Yet in God’s amazing grace, He has not called me out of the
boat simply to watch me struggle. Rather, He beckons me so as to share in His
amazing ability to save. I hold an insignificant gift and yet somehow He does
not reject it. Rather, He makes it beautiful. My first time speaking was before
an audience of almost 300 students. I wish I could say that it was flawless;
that my passion for what I was doing somehow covered a multitude of sins. But I
must decrease so that He may increase. There was frustration in my
imperfection, which I concluded had to be a disappointment to my Maker as well.
And yet…somehow…it wasn’t a failure. The odd reality is is that this whole
thing is not about me. Strangely enough it never was. Or ever will be. My heart
cries out with Mary as she proclaims, “My
soul glorifies in the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for He has
been mindful of the humble state of His servant.” I sit here amazed and
incredibly humbled, that God would allow me this opportunity to share in what
He has always been at work doing; drawing people unto Himself.
We got to speak at 3 schools in the Houston area and one in
San Antonio altogether reaching over 1,000 students. To speak in front of
students is one thing. I understand it is a privilege that I do not deserve.
But then there are those blessed opportunities to talk with them outside of the
sessions; to listen to their hopes and dreams, and often times their failures
and fears. To then be able to speak God’s truth and grace into their lives?
Lord, I am amazed by You! One student told me after lunch one day that she
always wanted a big sister, and after only the few times of interacting with
her, she felt like for the first time she had one.
I’m ready to rest. And there is time for that before I leave
again. But I am learning that the plunge is addicting. There is a new
adrenaline pumping through me that is born out of an abandonment to do what God
has called me to! Yet may I not be as the disciples, who after the first time
they were able to cast out demons went running to Jesus exclaiming with joy, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in Your
name!” They were stoked out of their minds at this new ability they found
they possessed. And yet here their Savior simply replies, “…do not rejoice that the spirits submit to
you. Rather, rejoice that your names are written in Heaven.” May my boast
never be in what little I am able to do in Jesus’ name. But rather may the joy
of my life be grounded in the blessed assurance that my life is hid with Christ
on high.
